Identity, mental health and the expectation that we can meet our needs

When someone offers us an opportunity, how much have we already decided about ourselves before we give it a go?

We might look at a new role and assume we could learn what it requires. Or we might dismiss it immediately, certain that people like us would never manage it. A similar thing can happen when we want to make a friend, ask for help or say that something is bothering us. Alongside the situation itself, we bring an expectation about who we are and what is likely to happen when we try.

In psychology, self-efficacy describes our belief in our ability to carry out a task or respond to a challenge. Albert Bandura's work explored how these expectations influence what we attempt and how we persist. Our confidence in an ability and the ability itself can differ. We may have more skill than we give ourselves credit for, or need experience before our confidence has much to rest on.

The Compass takes a broader look at identity through our expectations about meeting seven psychological needs. This is the Compass model's way of organising those beliefs. Identity is one part of understanding our mental health; our relationships, health and living circumstances matter too. Looking at our beliefs can help us notice possibilities we have been overlooking, alongside the support or practical changes a situation may require.

The descriptions we live by

Some parts of our identity take their meaning from the world around us. The Compass calls these extrinsic elements: our occupation, family role, groups, social standing or ideas about what a man should be. They can give us purpose and a place among other people. They can also become demanding when we feel we must always be “the capable one” or “the strong one” to keep that place.

Intrinsic identity concerns our own qualities, needs, values, talents and preferences. We might notice it when a job ends and we discover that our interest in solving problems, making things or helping people is still there. An adaptable identity has room for both our roles and these more personal qualities. We can enjoy being dependable while allowing ourselves to need help, or value our work while making room for interests that have nothing to do with it.

Seven beliefs about meeting our needs

Self-efficacy and safety. In the Compass, this is the belief that we can respond to challenges and take reasonable steps to keep ourselves safe. It includes being able to learn, assess a situation and draw on support. When something unfamiliar comes along, we can consider the skills and resources available to us. Confidence may grow through manageable experiences of using them, while showing us where more preparation would help.

Self-worth and belonging. This concerns whether we believe we are worthy of care and inclusion. If we assume that being welcome depends on always being useful, amusing or easy to be around, friendship can become exhausting. A steadier sense of worth allows room for a difficult day or an honest conversation. We can bring our care to a relationship and also let the other person know when we need some ourselves.

Entitlement and autonomy. The word entitlement can sound uncomfortable. Here it means believing that our needs, choices and boundaries deserve consideration, alongside those of other people. If agreement once helped us stay accepted, declining a request may feel unfamiliar long after our circumstances have changed. We can begin by saying what is possible for us and discussing an arrangement that takes everyone's needs into account.

Virtue and contribution. This is the belief that we can be good people and contribute something worthwhile. It gives us room to take responsibility when we have caused harm, make repairs where possible and learn from what happened. If a mistake becomes a judgement that we are entirely bad, it can be difficult to see a useful way forward. Remembering our capacity to act with care helps us consider what we can do now.

Self-esteem and esteem. In this model, self-esteem concerns the belief that we have abilities and contributions of value to others. We can enjoy recognition and give ourselves credit for skills we have developed. When our sense of value depends entirely on praise, criticism can feel like a verdict on the whole person. Looking carefully at the feedback helps us decide what is useful while keeping sight of the contribution we already make.

Potential and growth. Potential is the belief that we can learn, develop and help create a valued future. Someone considering retraining at 50 may have practical questions about money, time and study. They also have experience to bring with them. Making room for both allows a more useful decision than dismissing the possibility on age alone. Hope can grow as we discover a realistic path and the support needed to follow it.

Integrity and self-actualisation. Integrity concerns whether we believe we can live in keeping with our values and give expression to who we are. We might have spent years in a role that wins approval while leaving little space for our own interests. Making room for those interests can begin quite ordinarily: returning to music, being more honest in a relationship or choosing work that fits what we care about. These choices can develop gradually, with consideration for our responsibilities and the people affected.

Daniel makes room for help

Consider Daniel, a fictional 38-year-old team leader who is respected at work and increasingly exhausted. Growing up, he received praise for being capable and undemanding. He became used to handling things himself. When a colleague offers to share a difficult task, he immediately wonders whether they think he cannot cope. He declines and stays late again.

Through the Compass, Daniel can explore the conditions he has attached to feeling capable and worthy. He values collaboration and encourages his team to ask questions, yet allows himself very little of the same freedom. That gives him something concrete to reconsider: what would competent leadership look like if it included making good use of the people available?

Daniel accepts help on one project. He feels awkward about it and notices the urge to justify why he needs it. As the work progresses, he gains experience of cooperating without losing his place in the team. Over time, experiences like this may help him revise what he expects of himself, while preserving the care and competence he values.

We can approach our own identity with a similar curiosity. When a familiar judgement closes down an option, it may be worth looking at how we learned it and what our life now shows us. There may be abilities, relationships and choices that deserve a place in our understanding of who we are.